First of all, I am going to apologise to Hagar’s parents, who subscribe to the blog, because it’s unlikely they have actually met this side of me. Plus this post will be crass and vulgar, like me, when on the whole I tend to curb my more potty mouth and fast talking obnoxiousness when I am around them. I am also going to apologise to the lovely, kind, nice people, who may have an inkling that I have the subtlety of a bull in a china shop, but I have actually been sort of repressing until now. If you don’t like swearing, bums, poo, bottom burps and a crass sense of humour then please stop reading and go and doing something far more worthwhile then reading the rest of this post.
Last night I read this blog called Pajamas and Coffee and I realised that I was suppressing myself a little in my blog’s postings. Pajamas and Coffee is a fabulously unashamed, energetic, bouncy, brilliant blog full of honesty and I thought it was great. Plus I am feeling a bit glum today due to insomnia issues that I have, because I suffer from ‘busy head’, once that little puppy kicks into action then there is no stopping it and I am up through the night thinkity thunking in a tiggerific kind of way. Frankly, it’s tiring and annoying and the only cure is a couple of episodes of ‘Two and Half Men’ which seems to send me to the land of sleepy nods. Anyway, I need to cheer myself up and hopefully spread some of the laughter around about it.
The thing is that I have a puerile, immature sense of humour. I can’t help it. I am Finnbar Saunders from Viz. I think farting is funny. I love a good knob gag (and I am not talking about deep throat *snigger, snigger*) I never fail to crack a smile when I get a notification from Skype saying that ‘Rob came online’. Even yesterday, I received a reply to comment I had made on Single Parent Dad’s post about baby gravy and he replied by saying ‘I come with a horrendous disclaimer’ and I thought immediately ‘most men cum with a bit of a grunt.’
My two favourite jokes are:
How do you get a nun pregnant?
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day but anal sex makes your whole week (read – hole weak)
Not because I think that it’s funny that anal sex weakens your botty cavity but just because I like that it’s a clever play on words. (I am also not advocating nun f*cking, nuns have a right to be celibate)
Like the one where the man says to his mate, ‘what would you do if a bird sh*ts on your head?’
‘Well, I wouldn’t go out with her again,” his mate replies.
I like the play on words. It amuses me in a childish way.
Also, I get bored really easily, and when I get bored I get mischievous. I think it’s funny to do things without really thinking of the possible consequences. For example, there was a Facebook application called ‘Interview Questions’. One of my friends suggested I get said app, which I dutifully did so. But I didn’t really know how Facebook worked, so I thought I was answering the questions simply for her amusement. The questions were fairly pedestrian, and so, for a cheap laugh, I decided I would spice it up a bit.
One of the questions was:
What is your favourite body part?
*snigger, snigger* I thought that I would be very clever and write something rude that I thought was very funny! About 10 minutes later my friend calls me and says, ‘what have you just written?’
On her news feed for all her friends, and also my friends to see, Facebook had streamed:
A Modern Military Mother has just answered ‘I am quite partial to hard cock’ to an Interview question. To find out more about her click here!
Whoops! I am not really a very yummy mummy, I don’t ice cupcakes and I don’t own any Cath Kidston stuff.This is me – I drink too much, I eat too much, I swear too much. I am outstandingly average, utterly flawed and unashamedly happy to be so. Welcome to my blog.