Juiced Up Large

Ribena said they would send me some free stuff. I love free stuff and as it happens, I like Ribena so for that reason I was in. They sent me a couple of handy sized cartons of Ribena Juiced Up Raspberry and Apple & Blackcurrant in a brown paper package tied up with string.

I used to be called Moistie III at school. There was also a Moistie I and a Moistie II – we used to shout obnoxiously, “we’re so moist it’s unbelievable’ so I had no problem with being Juiced Up. At my age, you need all the moisture you can get. I liked the Raspberry because I am a bit tart – but Hagar was not so keen. He said it was too tart for him. He then decided it was probably because it actually tasted of raspberries and pears, wasn’t overloaded with sugar and this was the reason why he didn’t like it. This is a man who was brought up on his dad’s, homemade Scottish tablet, (Tablet is a traditional Scottish sweet made from sugar, condensed milk and butter.) which actually dissolves your teeth as it bubbles in the pot – that’s how much sugar is in it.

The Menace liked it; but then she eats fruit, and The Grenade, like Hagar, thought it was too tart. Cartons are not good for my kids because they squeeze and squirt, so I prefer bottled drinks, or, drinks that I can mix and put into my own receptacles. The carton is pretty and looks nice but I am not sure I would actually reach out to the shelf and buy it. I just know that it would be squirted and we would be stained up large – which doesn’t work for me and so for that reason I am out.

Talking of drinkie-poos – I heard this rumour that Christmas has been canceled for the military.

In a notice issued by the Deputy Head Financial Management Policy and Development, it stated.

” I would like to remind you that Chapter 20 of JSP 462 contains instructions on the propriety of public funding for seasonal festivities, such as Christmas particularly in relation to the acceptability of staging teambuilding or unit cohesiveness events in seasonal festivity periods. (Some blah, blah, blah)It is improper to spend taxpayers’ funds on Christmas trees, decorations, carol concerts or parties. Teambuilding or unit cohesiveness events during the Christmas season would be viewed by taxpayers as partying at their expense and must be avoided.”

In a flurry of subsequent email dialogue the orders were issued that any Christmas lunches coming out of the Commanding Officer’s Personal Fund were to be canceled forewith.

The MOD are damned if they do, and damned if they don’t really. On the one hand, I can see in these frugal times organising festivities can be seen as extravagant and then on the other hand, the armed forces give a lot so they deserve this seasonal thank you. Hagar’s not here to ask and I don’t know if it impacts him. I haven’t been issued my Christmas functions schedule yet – apart from the Christmas Draw, with Tigger and Mr Naval Architect. Watch this space – I have already booked the pamperthon in preparation. Although I am wearing the same outfit as the as I wore here. Personally, I am not on the outrage bus but then I don’t really understand the significance of it. I’ve heard that a lot of people are getting their knickers in a twist. I wouldn’t begrudge the military a turkey roast and a cracker out of the taxpayers purse at Christmas though – what do you think?

This weekend, I had a little foray into the country, to stay with The Lish and Mr Apple (See here – for our post Summer Ball drunken yoga) as they have just moved into this amazing, old ramshackled 6 bedroom estate house, in deepest, darkest, Hampshire. The Lish is with child, which is brilliant news as it’s been a long road to conception for our beautiful friends. However, this did mean that she was unable to imbibe that vast quantities of liquor that we normally partake in, resulting in some crazing, debauched, toe-curling looning around. So to provide some alternative entertainment I shared with her this truly incredible book that the Lovely Licky, from the city that never sleeps, New York itself, very kindly sent me.

It’s called ‘Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People’ by Amy Sedaris.

“According to Amy Sedaris, it’s often been said that ugly people craft and attractive people have sex. But in her new book SIMPLE TIMES she sets the record straight, doing for crafting what she did so brilliantly and successfully for entertaining in her bestseller I Like You. Demonstrating that crafting is one of life’s more pleasurable and constructive leisure activities, Sedaris shows us that anyone with a couple of hours to kill and access to pipe cleaners can join the elite society of crafters. Readers will discover how to make popular crafts such as crab claw roach clips, tinfoil balls and crepe paper moccasins; where to look for inspiration (buy fruit and let it get old, what shapes does it turn into?); instructions for creating your very own craft room; and ways to avoid the most common crafting accidents (sawdust fires, feather asphyxia, pine cone lodged in throat); plus whole chapters full of crafting ideas (pompom ringworms!) that will inspire you to create your own hastily constructed obscure d’arts; and more of the brilliant recipes and ingenious ideas for hostessing and entertaining that she gave us in I Like You.”

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The Lish has been known to compile the odd autumn leaf canvas montage so I thought this would be just her cup of tea and now they are living in the Maison de Manoir but have no carpets and barely any curtains because they are skint due to the new rent (Mr Apple has it all in hand – he is rich really – panicus notus) – I thought a book entitled crafts for poor people would be the perfect accoutrement for their new ram shackled country living. I had a quick flick through but hadn’t really looked at it properly. But with a few vino tintos coarsing through my veins I had the opportunity to indulge in it’s delights. Our favourite section is the pre-craft warm up exercises!!

As the one star reviewer on Amazon.com said:

“Warning – NOT a craft book – Teen self abuse and Sexual content
I picked this book up out of the library’s NEW section. I did not know that it was listed as Parody in the Dewey Decimal section. It is done so because if you are looking for CRAFTS, you might be shocked. The Teen Self Abuse section should not be viewed by teens. The Making Love section should not be viewed by children.”

This would actually make a great Christmas gift for anyone with a great sense of humour, craft ambitions and good intentions but poor delivery skills.

(In fact Licky – I only realised that myself when you mentioned it by email upon my return – doh!! I was just about to go, find me some shells and gather some pine cones!!)

Then just as an aside Restrepo is definitely in the running for an Oscar nomination now – 15 Documentary Features Advance In 2010 Oscar® Race. Show your support by visiting their Facebook page and clicking Like. You can find the Facebook page here. It’s a tough race – I am keeping everything crossed for them.

It’s the RAF Odiham Shopping Evening on Tuesday 23rd November (tomorrow) from 7pm – 10pm at the Church Centre, RAF Odiham. I shall be there pimping my blog so please pop over and have a wee chatola. It cost £2 to get in and you get a free glass of wine.

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8 thoughts on “Juiced Up Large

  1. I agree it’s a shame about christmas parties etc being cancelled. But you are not alone- it’s happening all over the place. I think the main thing is the guys/girls away from their families on the actual day get their proper thanks. If that’s withdrawn then Scrooge lives.

  2. Best I heard was two years ago when one (very large) investment bank ‘donated’ its Xmas party to GOSH…
    Our neighbour was on the donor side (and rather peeved) and another good friend (a paediatric cardiologist) was the recipient, and a very happy one at that.

    So a good trade I think, in all fairness.

    LCM x

  3. I’m actually fuming. God, if there is one bunch of people who need a good Christmas it’s our boys in the military. They both need and deserve it a darn sight more than some other mealy-mouthed tosspots in this country!

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