Quite Literally

The Grenade calls himself the Dyspraxian from planet Dyspraxia. I like it. He came up with it when I started talking with him about his Dyspraxia, which is fairly mild but significant enough to be understood and managed. One of the quirks of his condition is that he looks at the world through literal eyes, which can have consequences that often make me chuckle. For example, if you say to The Grenade, “where did you hurt yourself?”
He will reply, “over there!”

On Sunday, whilst Aunty Pat and I were trying, without interruption, to watch South Riding on BBC1 (a bit of Yorkshire telly), The Grenade came bounding into the room very excited.

“Quick mummy, come and see. I have found something that will fix my heel.”

The Grenade has an inflamed Achilles heel and we are not sure of the cause but it means that he is currently leaping around the room like an injured gazelle, only putting the weight on his toes on his left foot. It hasn’t hindered his ability to cavort all over the place too much. Anyway, knowing that no amount of protestation would stop him from bugging me until I moved, I duly went to see to what he was referring.

He had been watching TV and the Sky Plus was paused. He stood in the centre of the room, with his hand on his hip and waved the remote control at the screen.

“Voltarol!” he said, ” it really helped a man’s back. It will fix my heel.”

It did make me smile. Not long previously, he had burst into the kitchen, very determined,

“Mummy, mummy, we HAVE TO sponsor a dog!!” *Pregnant pause followed by big deep breath.*

“Did you know that DOGS ARE LOSING THEIR HOMES!!!!?”

Previously, I was sat at my desk, The Grenade wandered into the room and I heard an inquisitive little voice say,

“Mummy, you know you are always telling me that we have no money. Do we have any gold? If we do we can get CASH FOR GOLD!!! Then we will have money, you can take me to Toys R Us and buy me lots of toys.”

The other day I was trying to remember some details about a school trip he had attended. I asked him, “did you go ice skating with the school or the boarding house?”

He looked at me and burst out laughing, “Mummy don’t be so stupid! How can the school or the boarding house possibly go ice skating?! They are buildings. I went with the boarders!!” Then he looked at me with such disgust as if to say, “Oh my God mummy, how can you be such a twat!?”

Last year, Ben was abluting on the upstairs loo and Hagar’s brother went into the bathroom to grab a spare roll. He said to The Grenade, “thanks I’ll bring it back if I don’t use it.”

The Grenade looked at him and said, “well, I hope you don’t bring it back if you DO use it!!”

Very wise words indeed.

For more information, please visit the Dyspraxia Foundation

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16 thoughts on “Quite Literally

  1. Great blog – as always.
    Interesting to see your use of the word ‘twat’.
    I remember Asda withdrawing one of Jaqueline Wilson’s books after she used the word a few years ago. I think it’s a regional thing, but to me it has a very different meaning to the one you intended, (I hope!) Our office had a discussion at the time and the meaning seems to be split, with about half being completely unaware of its use as a swear word.
    But to me, and many others, your sentence reads, “Oh my God mummy, how can you be such a c*nt!?”
    😉

    • That’s funny! I think we have the same meaning although c*nt is definitely stronger. There are so many ways to say it but I would say that C*nt is the strongest of the lot! I am sorry that it was so strong to you but I am such a juvenile that even when you write it like that it has a certain irony that makes me snigger.

  2. My little man is very literal too. Dyspraxia has been mentioned to me before but I have not really read up much, so will look at your link. They are assessing him for Aspergers at the moment, although now it is being mentioned that he may just be gifted. I would love to know how to help him.

    Thanks for sharing, Mich x

  3. Well, it goes to show again that no level of impairment will stop a boy from being a boy. ‘The Dyspraxian’ bounding about the house with an inflamed heel while making quick intelligent remarks… Wonderful! From my -uneducated- point of view he seems allright.

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