Has Hagar gone? Hasn’t he? Fuzzy Duck? Does he? Ducky Fuzz? Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn’t. The exact timings don’t matter. What matters is how we all feel. How does he feel? How do I feel? How do the kids feel?
I thought you might want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. From Hagar himself. I can’t really tell you how he feels. Only he can. Now he can’t be seen so unfortunately you have to watch me in order to listen to him. To find out what Hagar thinks you will have to watch the video below.
Everyone has their way of handling their life and we have ours. Hagar and I have always agreed that there will be no big goodbyes. Just business as usual. To us this is business as usual.
From my perspective. I have one life and I want to live it to the full. I can’t waste energy I can’t spare, on things I can’t control. I can’t control what happens in Afghanistan and I can’t worry about what I can’t control. ‘Que sera sera’, said Doris. Hagar knows his onions. He will be the best he can be. He knows what is at stake. He said to his guys, ‘success to me is that we come back with as many as we go out with’.
The Chinook is an army asset. It is tool used to help the boots on the ground to get the job done. Hagar knows he is there to support the guys on the ground to achieve the task, to mitigate the risk and deliver the unthinkable. This is the job. This is his job.
What do I think? I want him to be vigilant at all times. To come home again. It is tiring though being strong, putting your head down, digging in and pushing through – again and again and again and again and again. I can’t sit still, rocking under the table waiting for him to come home. We all have a life to live. A life to celebrate so I think I am just going to work, dance and drink through it and keep my kids smiling. I’ll tell them that daddy is at work and when they say, “I miss daddy.” I’ll smile and say, “I miss daddy too. It’s fine to miss daddy but he has a job to do so that he can buy you toys.” When you are 8 years old, saying food and keeping a roof over your head, keeping you safe at night, doesn’t have the same meaning as toys. Toys are an 8 year old’s currency. (Before we get into a materialism debate – The Grenade has real sense of kindness, helpfulness, manners and solid values. But he loves toys – what kid doesn’t?)
We don’t make a thing of it to the kids. Daddy is away. They don’t know where he has gone or what he is doing. This is just normal. Daddy’s here sometimes and sometimes he’s not; that’s just the way it is. I have said before there is a lot of away – exercises, night flying, day flying, practising – sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes a few months. Away is just away. My kids deserves a childhood free of anxiety wherever possible. I believe that my job is to protect them from the reality of war and give them a carefree childhood full of love and possibilities. They will have adulthood to contend with eventually.
Tick, tock, tick, tock – the clock ticks. Time passes and the war continues on. To stay or go. If we stay there will be trouble. If we go there will be double.